Stomp’s The Shit

“Nobody talks about important stuff nowadays! We have citizens who are interested in rubbish,” snarled Justin.

“That’s not true! Look at the number of people commenting on that woman who got molested by these Indian guys,” commented Rachel, staring at her laptop wide-eyed in amazement.

“Do not tell me you’re on Stomp,” I said, wide-eyed in disbelief. “It’s full of shit!”

“How would you know?” said Justin slyly.

Blooper

“Ooh, what’s this! It’s so cute,” gushed Rachel, her boobs bouncing like they were excited Teletubbies. Oh what I am talking about. Teletubbies are always excited.

“It’s a USB suction device!” announced the salesgirl.

“Who the hell would use such a thing?” remarked Justin, waving his hand dismissively.

“Well, my student uses this one,” I replied, holding up another cutesy device that ran on battery instead. “He tears paper and chops up his eraser just to use this to suck it all up!”

“That’s very cute! Is he like primary 3 or something?” gushed Rachel, her ovaries probably taking over her mind.

“Erm nope, he’s Sec 4,” I whispered, eyes wide open in mock horror.

Money Honey

“What is the four-letter word that’s everywhere this season?” asked Justin, smirking like The Joker.

“SALE!” snarled Rachel as her breasts rose to their fullest as she inhaled heavily from the exertion of carrying multiple shopping bags on each hand.

A Blue Christmas

“Christmas. Next Friday. Plans?” SMS-ed Justin.

“Go bug someone else,” I replied.

“I take that as a no,” said Justin as he swung the door open without knocking. I gritted my teeth and resisted the temptation to slam the door in his face. Justin, being Justin, strutted to my bed and sat down.

My Favourite Game

“I told my boss that I had a headache and she immediately told me not to go to work today! Female bosses are the best,” declared Justin as he sipped on his red wine. The three of us, Justin, Rachel and I, were sprawled lazily on the deck chairs of Cafe Del Mar.

They are more like deck beds really, but I think my vocabulary stopped growing since I graduated from Primary School. They were cushioned, ridiculously white and smelt faintly of tanning lotion.

“Have you gotten laid yet?” I asked nonchalantly.

Hoo-Ha

“He does not want to have sex with me!” complained Rachel as slammed her half-empty can of Tiger on the table. I didn’t know what to say. And Justin busied himself with providing the can with a coaster.

“Dude, a coaster for a can is just weird!”

“Are you people listening to me?” breathed Rachel menacingly. Her bosom was throbbing angrily in the low-cut red top. I tried to focus, but Justin was the one who managed to get words out of his mouth.

“You’ve been together for 3 months. He’s hot. You’re hot. Clearly, something’s wrong.”

“Do you not think I know? I have never dated without sex for more than 3 weeks. This is ridiculous!”

Comes First

“And so when I went swimming again my coach said I become fat already! Cos last time at least can see a bit abs, then now cannot.”

I laughed at the silliness of the comment. I was at Bobby’s place, once again, teaching tuition. Or maybe not.

“Yeah lah! Study for exams then become like that. So I asked him to push me like crazy and swim until my whole body ache.”

“I became fat studying for exams too. It’s bad for health. I’ve been studying for 12 hours a day everyday for the past 10 days ok!” I proclaimed. Well, I was just lazy and studying was the perfect excuse. I was about to solve the question that he couldn’t do on Trigonometry when he interrupted my thoughts.

Girl, No Girl

“You want to drink water?”

“Yeah, I talk so much. Damn thirsty ok.”

I was at Bobby’s place, two days before my own exams started. It was a great way to de-stress. I was distracting myself from studying by forcing someone else to study.

“Ok I go get!” With that he lifted his phone and a picture of a girl flashed across the screen. Seeing that there were no messages, he ran down to the first floor.